WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
