I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
