so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
