I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
