just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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