his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
