Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
