I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
