I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
