she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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