You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
