you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
