I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
