youre lurking in front of me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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