all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
