I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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