Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
