All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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