My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
