We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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