hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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