I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my shit smells like andre
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
