I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
