He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
