he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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