Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
