I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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