I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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