Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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