I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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