I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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