they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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