Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
