If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
