we're chasing vodka with high fives
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
