Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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