We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
