Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
