just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
