found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
