Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
