don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
50% drunk capacity currently
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
