Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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