last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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