New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
