Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
