And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
