he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
