my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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