Do you still have your period?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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