my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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