so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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